She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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