U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She announced her abortion via fbk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
