I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
