you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
