I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
