Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
