You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
