So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
