I think I died a long time ago.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
