I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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