I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
