so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
