how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
