Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
