your room smells of hookers.
And success
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
