why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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