I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
