Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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