I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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