I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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