I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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