i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
