He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
