I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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