We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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