i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
