I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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