Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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