dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
