Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
