It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
