mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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