I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
