Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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