my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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