Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
