we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
