I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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