last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
