dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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