This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
