I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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