I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
