If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ketchup is God's man juice
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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