your room smells of hookers.
And success
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
