I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
