I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
