She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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