I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
