She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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