I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
