I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
