Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
