Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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