We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
