went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
