onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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