thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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