So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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