we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
