i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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