What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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