I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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