Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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