it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
