i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
