I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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