What a fucking waste of an outfit
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said her name was "party"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
