help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
