Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
