Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
