she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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