last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
